How do relationship problems arise?
We are constantly living in relation to the world around us and to our fellow human beings. This is inescapable, as it is part of the human condition and the main source of meaning and coherence. In one way or another, we are always in relation to other people with different perspectives, different experiences and different desires than our own. It is therefore not difficult to imagine that relationship problems arise in proximity and communication. Some relationships we choose ourselves and others we are born into. But whatever the circumstances, having a real, deep and close relationship with another person almost always comes with some difficulties. Being understood and understanding others is one of the most difficult aspects of being human, but also one of the most valuable. The experience of feeling understood and accepted is magnificent, and the opposite can be devastating.
Why do relationships continue in the same way?
Despite meeting new people in new contexts, there is often a tendency for patterns in relationships to repeat themselves. Those we are attracted to often turn out to have similar characteristics to previous people in our lives. Conflicts we had with one person suddenly reappear in a completely different relationship. Could it really just be chance that keeps this going? Our own unique experiences, our personality and our habitual patterns all contribute to reviving similar situations in many different constellations. With helpful relationship patterns, this can be a great advantage, but often it becomes a source of frustration and difficulty. It limits our freedom and ability to be flexible when a relationship changes. Even when we actively try to avoid certain relationship patterns, we can still fall into them. They have a nasty tendency to find a way to go on living. It can feel hopeless and inevitable, as if it will always be the same for me. But it doesn't have to be that way.
How can you work with them?
When an individual works on their relationship problems in psychotherapy, you usually need to look at both the big picture and the small details. What does our history of relationships look like, what is our contribution and the contribution of others, what makes me seem to only end up in relationships that create difficulties. By understanding and mapping, we can also change. Through conversations, it is possible to overcome the obstacles that make us repeat the same scenario in different relationships. One method that is often particularly suitable for working with relationship problems is group therapy. In a group therapy session, participants work on understanding their patterns by examining how they play out in the space between participants. For many, the idea is scary and unfamiliar at first, but it really is a powerful way to understand and change your relationship patterns. If you would like to know more about how to work with relationships in individual or group psychotherapy, please get in touch or book in directly by finding an available appointment at the clinic.
